How To Manage the Competing Demands of Motherhood & Caregiving as a Sandwich Mom

I'll never forget the day I realized that my mom and dad were getting older and needed help. You know the moment where you hesitantly broach the subject of them needing a little extra help these days? The mix of emotions was overwhelming — concern for their well-being, guilt over not being able to do more, not living closer, anxiety about how this was going to impact our family. And of course, the ever-present struggle of how to make it all work.

Because let's be real, us sandwich generation moms don't get the luxury of just focusing on one set of demands. We're constantly torn between the needs of our aging parents and the needs of our young, growing kids. It's a tightrope walk of calendar Tetris, sleepless nights, and sheer willpower.

Here's the thing, sweet friend: You're not alone. In fact, it's estimated that over 11 million Americans are part of the sandwich generation, caring for both their parents and their children simultaneously. We are a mighty tribe, and we've got to have each other's backs.

So from one caretaker to another, let me share a few of the strategies that have helped me navigate this season with a little more grace (and a little less burnout).

More from CafeMom: 10 Tips for Having an Aging Parent Move In With Your Family

First and foremost, get super comfortable with saying the word "no." I know, I know, it feels counterintuitive when both our parents and kids are relying on us. But the truth is, you can't pour from an empty cup. You have to set boundaries and prioritize your own self-care, even if that means disappointing someone in the short term.

For me, that's looked like:

• Turning down extra volunteer opportunities at my kids' school
• Politely declining my mom's request to house sit for a weekend
• Hiring a part-time cleaning service to take something off my plate

It's not easy, but you have to get comfortable putting your own needs first sometimes. Otherwise, you'll end up feeling resentful, exhausted, and let's be real … kind of like a ticking time bomb.

Another game-changer? Getting crystal clear on your non-negotiables. What are the absolutely essential things that have to get done each day/week to keep your family afloat? Make that list, and then ruthlessly protect that time and energy.

For me, that means things like:

• Making sure my kids get a nutritious dinner every night (even if it's just grilled cheese)
• Carving out one-on-one time with each of my parents as often as I can
• Doing a quick 15-minute tidy of the house before bed

The rest? Well, that can get bumped to the back burner if needed. Let the dishes pile up, order takeout, or let the kids have extra screen time. Your sanity has to come first.

Don't be afraid to ask for help, whether that's leaning on your partner, siblings, or even professional resources. You don't have to — and can't — do it all alone.

For me, that's means things like:

• Enlisting my husband to do all the grocery shopping and yard work
• Hiring an in-home aide to help care for my dad a few days a week
• Connecting my mom with a support group for caregivers in her area

It's not easy to admit we need help, but I promise, the relief it provides is worth it. Plus, the people who love you want to pitch in and support you, they just might not know how.

And lastly, don't forget to schedule in those little pockets of joy wherever you can. Whether it's a monthly girls' night out, a weekly coffee date with a friend, or just 15 minutes of quiet time in the bath. You have to carve out moments to recharge and remember who you are beyond just "caretaker."

Because sweet mama, I see you. I see how you're juggling a thousand different balls, how you're pouring from an empty cup, how you're worried you're not doing enough for anyone. But I want you to know — you are doing an amazing job. The fact that you're even reading this tells me you care deeply and are committed to showing up as your best self.

So take a deep breath, sister. You've got this. With a little planning, a lot of grace, and the support of your people, you can absolutely navigate the delicate dance of being in the middle. Your parents and your kids are so lucky to have you.

And remember: You matter. So be sure to celebrate the small wins, accept help when it's offered, and don't be afraid to put your own oxygen mask on first.