Being the parent of a tween or teen girl isn’t for the faint of heart. Teen girls are often seen as combative, sassy, and ill-tempered. All of which is fairly normal and age appropriate. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy! A mom turned to Reddit to ask if maybe she was overreacting about her 13-year-old daughter’s behavior.
Correcting the misbehavior was a condition for the girl being able to go on her eighth grade graduation trip, and mom decided she didn’t live up to the rules. But many of the commenters are calling her out for being too harsh.
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The tween has allegedly been acting out.
The mom shared that her 13-year-old daughter begged to go on her school’s eighth grade graduation trip after the school sent the information out. But the tween has been dealing with “behavioral issues,” and mom said she needed to “behave” before agreeing.
But because of her daughter’s fear that the trip would fill up, they agreed to sign her up. However, there was a deal that if “more issues arise,” the girl would have the trip taken away. Naturally, the girl agreed to the conditions.
The mom shared the 'issues.'
The mom gave a list of the “issues” she’s been having with her daughter’s behavior.
- “She was failing on her chores on a daily basis. (Her chore list is very short. The only daily item is keeping her room clean. Then the weekly item of taking the trash out.)”
- “She was secretly texting an ex-boyfriend. Who didn’t treat her well.”
- “When she was caught, she tried to get her younger sister to lie and cover for her.”
- “Her younger sister who came clean told me I needed to protect her because she was scared how her older sister was going to ‘punish’ her.”
The mom claims to not be strict, but she may want to reconsider that.
“After I signed her up, I told her that she needed to do everything as we say,” the mom wrote. “We are not strict parents so I don’t think it’s unreasonable.”
She then went on to detail what she considered the final straw that made her revoke permission for the trip. During a Thanksgiving dinner event held by the school, the teen wanted to spend time with a friend. When the girl’s father (OP’s ex) asked to stay for a bit before leaving the table, she presumably did before going off with the friend.
“Soon after she left and I thought it would just be a brief moment. An hour went by and she’s not answering our texts or calls. My husband and I spent the next 40 minutes looking for her. Couldn’t find her. Finally she answered a call from my ex. She was outside apparently, still with the same friend,” the mom explained.
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Many people think she's majorly overreacting.
“Look all of your rules are reasonable and I definitely don’t think you’re an AH for enforcing consequences,” someone commented. “But I’m not sure it’s clear that your daughter was breaking a rule by leaving the table? This feels like a case of miscommunication. If I was 13, there is a good chance that I wouldn’t think that I was breaking any rules by doing this. My dad saying you can go ‘in a little while’ would count as permission to leave in my head, why would I ask again when the ‘little while’ time is up? And why would I be expected to come back within a specific time frame?”
“You’re not strict but has to ask for permission to leave the table?” another person questioned. “She’s 13, she is still learning and I can tell you now, any time you say don’t talk to xyz, don’t hang out with xyz, that’s exactly what she’s going to do. What other behavioral issues are you having that is not normal 13 yr old behavior? I can tell you now, you’re stricter than you say you are.”
A lot of people called her out for being unreasonable.
“She doesn’t have behavioral issues,” someone claimed. “This is normal stuff for a 13 year old. You have seriously misjudged your ‘strictness’ if she has to ask permission to leave the table. The punishment here is wildly disjointed from the crime. I feel bad for this kid.”
Another comment reads: “None of these things sound like major issues. So she was outside with a friend? Just talking? How horrible!!! Seriously, she’s 14. Time to relax a bit and let her start finding herself (which includes letting her make mistakes on dating).”
“I am also parent of a daughter same age,” someone else commented. “Everything that you described is completely normal. Not clear how you can say not strict when you seem pretty tightly wound. This is a recipe for disaster as she gets older and gains more independence.”
“Your rules sound very controlling, almost abusive” another wrote. “Being a teenage girl is not a behavioural issue. Don’t worry about the graduation trip – keep going like this, and the trip you’ll need to worry about is the one out your front door on her 18th birthday. She’ll have a one way ticket, and she’ll be waving goodbye, but only with one finger.”
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